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Russian continues to be a time of utter and complete domination on my part. Going to buy my book today. Creepy Alex is in my class. Is only bad thing about class. Next time, will get there early so I don't have to sit near him.

The really interesting class looks like it's going to be Issues in Microscience. It's all about implants and body modifications. Prof is rather funny. He joked about being a big nerd, which is good, because I can relate, used the word zesty to describe the wealth of material we are going to cover in the class, and told us that when the university made it mandatory to take an upper level science class, the first year of students were all really angry about it, so he started with lessons on breast implants and condoms. My kind of thinking.

Also, when I walked in, there was a tape playing of a knee replacement surgery, which was nauseating and also absolutely fascinating. I feel as though I would be a great scientist if I could put up with upper level math. *sigh*

Pre-calc, which I'm retaking, is going to be hell, but prof said that if you have perfect attendance, she will bump up your grade half a letter, and even pass you if you're a point or two away. I'm not too proud to say that I might need it. I just want to get that fucking F off my transcript.

I went to abnormal psych, but I'm not going to stay in it, I think. I thought it would be a bit different from the other psych classes I've been in, but it's not. The prof mumbles, and her note style is irritating.

One thing I will say is that the math/science types start class on time on time or even early. which I adore. I can't stand when the prof stands around as time ticks by.

I still have to go to philosophy, which I'm hoping will go allright, as I really don't want to have to scramble for another class like I am now with abnormal psych. The problem is that I tend to hate English and Psych, and can't really comprehend the hard sciences. Maybe I should just do languages.
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I think I just saw a red-tailed hawk soaring outside my window. WTF Buffalo?
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Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
Rivers running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on the tree
You know how I feel, ooh
It's a new a dawn
And a new day
And a new life for me
And I'm feeling good

The funny thing is that this song's not particularly happy, more desperate and scared than anything. It's sort of a junkie's anthem.
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What I've learned in college so far is how to play pool, how to play ping-pong. I've reaffirmed my belief that people try too hard to be someone they're not. I've found lots of bars but not many bookstores. And I've sort of gotten familiar with the campus. I wish I'd gone to St. John's College instead. Buffalo's not a very good place to live, unless you were born here. I won't stay on after college, I think.

I found a copy of The History of Love online, and to reward myself for finishing a directionless essay, I'm going to read it on Tuesday and weep a lot. That's what I'm mostly looking forward to.

I wish, as always, that people would be more open and talkative in class discussions, so that I would not feel like the loudmouth/know-it-all Hermione type so much.

I have a ton of homework and not much human interaction, and am looking for a job. So far, nothing. I miss working, the independence that having a steady paycheck gives. And I know that my mother cannot send money. It kind of makes the need to be settled and financially secure more pressing.

And yet, I still think about packing up a few pairs of jeans, some tshirts and my comfortable sneakers and a sleeping bag, and just...wandering around the country. Then around Canada. Maybe I never will. Maybe I'll always fantasize about bolting. But never actually do it.
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Oh college.

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It's my birthday today, and sunny-gorgeous in Buffalo.

Already, this is a better day than last year's birthday was. I've discussed this with people, I think.

A lot of people left me Facebook comments wishing me happy birthday, and the girls on my floor too. There's some almost-end-of CADS party that we're all suppposed to go to later, and I guess that's the celebration enough. It feels just like any other day would anyway, cause I'm at college, but I don't feel any more grown up.

It's pretty cool to think that I've gotten through this summer program, which is sort of like an entire semester squished into three weeks. It's really hard, but at least I know the campus now. The worst thing, I think, is that there's no real privacy in the dorms. Maybe in a few years I'll be getting my own place. Until then, I guess I'l learn to tolerate sharing a shower with a bunch of other girls.

Anyway, I had a point originally.

Birthday. Right. It's going fine. When I accomplish something worth celebrating, perhaps things will feel different.

I am reading the seventh Harry Potter book and it feels just like it did at the very beginning. That good and new and amazing.
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1. First day of classes was long. Too long. Classes are stupid.

2. It is too damn hot in the dorms.

3. The girls on my floor are all really nice.

and a half: there is probably no way I can get off campus to see the 5th HP movie in a day. Arg!

Have not taken pictures yet. Really should, if only I could get camera to work.
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Am in Buffalo. Buses here suck. I need a car. Or a bike. Or a boyfriend with a car.

Mom is fun to travel with, except for the part where she says "Ah, I have a question" before asking every question. And also how she doesn't really get half of what's going on. Neither do I, for that matter.

My roommate seems nice.

The campus here is huge. HUGE. I've walked around a lot today.

I hatehatehate that I really don't know anyone.

I need to visit the dollar store that we passed on the metro. There's probably crap that I forgot to bring.
See also: cheap laundromat.
See also: funky coffeeshop with free wireless.
See also: Niagara Falls for shopping.
See also: Toronto.

Apparently, there's fucking nothing to do on campus, especially in the summer. No wonder everything I've heard about this place involves drinking. I found the campus bookstore though. It made my little heart sing in glee to find it. Even though everything's way overpriced.

Finished Choke, by Chuck Plahniuk on the train. It was rather depressing, but ended on a happy note. The only one of the entire book.


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May 2010

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