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I hate this day. I hate pretty much every day, lately. My god, this is just like the 8th grade all over again. I sprained my left foot, again. Have taken three painkillers since 8 this morning. That may be too much. Am about to go to work. Took the road test for the third time, and again did not pass. My parallel parking was amazing. But I sped, so he failed me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGHHHHH...
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Remember last summer, when France repealed that law that all graduating university students were guaranteed a job upon graduation? Remember how there were riots in the streets, burning cars?

Why does no one in the US even protest when companies begin to get rid of their pension programs for new employees? When that senator is being forced to resign for foot-tapping? When more people, mother's sons die in Iraq, in Afghanistan and no one cares?

God. This is why I want to live in Europe.
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Dear work: Thanks a lot for deciding to be fucktastically dysfunctional this week. Thanks for scheduling me to work the morning of my prom. That really helped me out.

Absolutely no love, Ren.
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You know what's unfair?

That my manager, R, who is a funny and genuinely nice guy is going to be shipped out to Iraq next year. He's got family and people who love him, and he's gonna be in another country, getting shot at by other boys with families of their own.

Tell me that people are basically good after that.
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Why is it that whenever any leader says 'I want to provide equality and three squares a day' he's killed? Ghandi, King, that Russian czar back in 1801 who was nice and got assassinated. Why?

Conversely, when someone comes along and says 'Jews/blacks/Indians aren't people, and it's perfectly fine to kill them a lot' people nod and smile and say 'gosh, why didn't I think of it like that?'

*sigh*
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I'm still doing homework at 11:30. Listening to Moby. Watched a show on PBS about advertising. It's scary how much people know about you and how they use it. Kinda makes me want to live in the woods all by myself, and never make a bleep on the radar of society. But then I might wither away and die. So I won't. I saw the aftermath of an accident in the intersection of Pine and Washington when I was walking home today. IBO history overwhelms me. A lot. I used to like it, but I'm taking three APs this year, and it's like drowning, very slowly.

I'm thinking I want to study politics/law/PR in college. I don't know quite how or to what end yet. But I'll find out when I get there. *nervous laughter*
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World AIDS day was on the 1st. Wish I'd remembered so that I could have worn a red ribbon.

On that note, here's a photographer from gettyimages.com talking about his tour of Africa, China and Ukraine. The ninth is a picture of some street kids in Odessa. It made me shiver. [livejournal.com profile] ms_beeblebrox posted recently about the time before she moved from Russia, and whether she'd be different if she'd stayed. That eternal question of how different I'd be if I hadn't moved is something that all immigrants ask, I think. And there's no good answer.
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I went and met a guy I met online. I'm fine. Nothing bad happened.

Alicia was worried.

He was boring anyway.

Now I'm watching Scrubs and thinking of going to bed soon.
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How do you fight an enemy who doesn't care about killing women and children? Who uses homes as rocket launching sites? For whom the death of innocents is okay? Who tells their soldiers 'go put on your normal clothes, and hide your gun. until you see an israeli soldier. then shoot him'

...

The war in Israel is in its 16th day. And no end in sight.

Lebanon's prime minister has called for an immediate cease-fire, and the Israelis have said 'eh, maybe'

How difficult is it to stop shooting and then talk?

The permanent ambassador to the UN for Israel talked about the fact that Hezbollah's been stockpiling weapons and growing for twenty years. They will not stop firing. And that's the main problem isn't it? They're not government controlled. And there's no one to regulate insurgent groups like Hezbollah. Gillerman, the ambassador, talked about how Israel's fighting this war for the good of the world, to rid the world of Hezbollah's horrible influence.

But no one wins when people die. The world just gets more hateful.
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There's war in Israel again. *sigh*

Every time my gran gasps about the rising civilian deaths? My first instinct is to remind her that it takes two to tango. If all the countries surrounding Israel were mercilessly pounding it with bombs and suicide bombers, then I wouldn't grit my teeth so much. But Israel's got one of the most advanced militaries in the world. You can bet that they're not just hanging their washing on those Uzis. They are to blame too.

Maybe I'm just cranky because my eyebrows have almost all fallen out.
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I feel all cranky and not much like myself lately. Not getting enough sleep.

Thinking of joining a gym. Figure that every time I feel like a quivering mass of flab and nerves I should go work out, instead of feeling sorry for myself. Or at least I can feel sorry for myself at the gym.

Granted, this is not the best time to be starting up an exercise regimen, I'm not in the right state of mind. But ah well.


There was a gay pride rally in Moscow today, which is awesome. What's less awesome is that Germany's Green Party leader got his face smashed in by a brick.

[I should get a rainbow belt sometime soon, because that would be my celebration of Gay Pride Month. June June June. Yep. Understated to the max.]
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There's this song that's been running through my head for the last few days. Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do. And they are all yellow.

Went ice-skating with Earda last night. Was fun, but saw some girl I used to be friends with [and also her parents. Overachieving and overbearing Russian parents, grr.]

So her mother gives me this whole spiel about some fat girl she knew in school who was smart, and really put her mind to it and lost weight/became the Russian president's adviser.

All the while, I'm standing there thinking "why are you telling me this? i don't give a damn about all that. and also i'm an underachiever and hate all politicians in general."

It was a WTF? moment, really. Gawd. The scary thing is that I give unwarranted advice like that sometimes. Must stop that. Now-ish.

Also I think I sprained my wrist falling. Right after I had that conversation with Sam about me knowing how to fall properly.

Life: +14654
Me: -1

*sigh*
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If I get nothing more done today than a couple thousand words on my novel or finally type up that fic I wrote and [ye gads] post it, I'll be happy.


I have the day off today. It is Veteran's Day, which I would appreciate more if the most recent veterans weren't dying needlessly. The only time I ever felt truly patriotic was at age fourteen, while visiting the Arlington Cemetery in D.C. Otherwise, patriotism and anger and outrage at the world just makes me nothing but tired.
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Dear Neighbor Across the Road,

While I don't mind [much] your yelling about how you'd like to whack that man or this man, I do mind a great deal when you watch the horse-racing channel at full volume, and especially when you watch porn at that same top volume.

I understand, of course, that everyone has needs and urges. That's only human. However, I do need to sleep, and the moaning of a painted-up strumpet only gives me indigestion. And bothers everyone within a 20 foot radius.

Might I suggest headphones?



[Pee es. Had cavity filled in at 3:30. Mouth has not regained previous feeeling. WTF mate?]
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1. I am sick, my head hurts from blowing my nose too much. I've got a fever. And I missed school.

2. I don't know what my homework is.

3. Some random person just insulted my intelligence. Out of the blue. This hasn't happened in awhile.
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You have not truly lived, people until you are forced to call both Apple and Verizon tech support multiple times, and then are coached through the immensely complicated process of setting up an internet connection by a bitchy French man.

Oh yes. That was the excitement of last night.

Heaven help me, I've switched to DSL service because it's cheaper. At my mother's insistence. She has rights, because she pays the bills for everything, but in typical teenage fashion, I am not pleased with such change. Though what can I do?

The switchover is complete. Everything's working as it should. At least that's good.
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I haven't really absorbed it before now, during the school day. As cliched as it is, I pretty much walk through the halls like a zombie. And I come back home, only to read all these politically-themed entries on my friends-list. These are people whom I like, whom I respect, whose work I've read (and I respect a person who can write well. It's just one of those things I like) And I feel my throat close up, and my nose start to sting, and my eyes well up, I am very, very sad.

I joked before, about moving to Canada to start a colony of like-minded people. And now, it is becoming less and less of a joke, and more of a future reality.

I don't usually talk about this, though it is essentially part of who I am, dictating my life, and my future:I've lived in a different country, (though I don't remember as much of it as I should) and I know that America is not the only option. I know that Canada, as all these things I've been hearing about it lately would indicate, is place where I might feel as if my reasonable wish for equality would be logically expressed by the government. I know what it is like to be descriminated against for who I am, and what I do. Being Jewish I guess, comes with an eons long history of discrimination and bad government. And don't even get me started on my Russian side.

I am now seriously considering, more than ever going to college abroad. In Canada, or the UK maybe. Because as [livejournal.com profile] copperbadge says, I see the writing on the wall, and I'm afraid of the outcome of these events.
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